Prologue
I am writing this article to remind myself what to do and what not to do when I’m on the verge of giving up. It will act as an aide-mémoire for me whenever I’ll find myself giving up or not going any further in life.
Once upon a time, I started a new job and had to go through training; post-training, we had to perform the work under the supervision of the senior and the concerned departments. The training period went fine, but when our real work started, everything went south.
Even after the training, I was unable to perform the way I should have. On the very first day, I started crying and told my trainer that I wanted to quit. The trainer advised me against it and asked me to go with the flow. She told me that the initial days would be difficult and that I would eventually learn to fight my battles.
She persuaded me, tried to motivate me, my colleagues empathized with me, and my family supported me, but nothing seemed to be working. Then my inner demon laughed at me—at my stupidity, at my loser attitude, at my brainless conclusion. Soon, a change of heart happened; I started looking for the reason why I wanted to quit.
Why did I think this job was not for me? Why did I think about giving up? If I wasn’t capable of that job, I should let the others decide. My task was to perform better and try harder. The whole ordeal stressed me out; nevertheless, my inner thoughts and the support of others provided me with much-needed relief. I started feeling relaxed, and the feeling of giving up started to subside.
The feeling of relinquishment is a way of coming in between when we face difficulties, challenges, and a situation where it seems there is no way of getting out of it. Every other person goes through this once or numerous times in their life, and sometimes it is difficult to hold on. The easiest and most possible solution seems to be to give up—no more holding up or holding tight. Just give up, plain and simple.
However, if giving up is the best possible solution, why, on a green and wide earth, does everyone ask the person they care to hold on a little longer, give themselves a little more time, and try a way out? It is because the best possible solution is to try, not to give up. The way our mind functions, it needs an immediate answer to everything. If we struggle to find answers, it triggers us to pass the question and look for another way. So, when we are striving, our mind suggests giving up and feeling instant gratification.
Cut yourself some slack
When you feel like giving up, it never comes up with a positive feeling about yourself. You may beat yourself up for not clinging to tenacity, for not achieving, for giving up simply, for not pushing yourself harder. You may pity yourself that you do not know even the simplest and easiest thing.
The first step in holding yourself up is to cut yourself some slack. So what if you are unable to understand or learn, if you are taking longer than others, or if you don’t know the way others know? Everything is not easy for everyone; you will learn eventually.
Just give yourself an ample amount of time; don’t rush; don’t chase. Even if you have time constraints, teach your mind some patience. Try not to fall prey to your ego, as it tricks you into patronizing yourself. It’s all right to know little or feel pity for yourself, but never allow yourself to fall into the pit and stay there forever.
Adjust the focus
Often, when we struggle to keep up with a job, task, or anything, we tend to look for the result. We get ourselves tangled in finding a way out, and the easiest way to untangle ourselves seems to be in relinquishment. When you find yourself in that situation, stop thinking about the bigger things. If you strive to do a job because it requires some set of skills, don’t just jump to the conclusion that you have to leave it. Start by finding an alternative for the task; pay attention to the details of that task. Ask yourself repeatedly some questions to get a clear picture.
Are you afraid of inefficiently completing the task at hand? Do you want to quit the job or the responsibility on your shoulders? Will you be able to continue if you have support or fewer challenges? Are you tired or simply bored? What was the motivation behind taking on this job or responsibility? Is it not motivating you anymore?
Answer these questions with complete honesty and find the reason behind your feelings. You will be able to take yourself a step further on the path of not giving up.
Not giving up: requires proper planning
Proper planning is the key to achieving anything. Planning goes a long way if you want to stay on the right path and succeed. Plan the significant tasks where the struggle is real. Sometimes the issue is not complicated; we find it difficult as we lack proper planning. Take a look at the task at hand with a neutral approach and see if doing it with proper planning will yield a better result.
Planning is a prerequisite for any task or work. If you are stuck in between some work and there is no way out, and it is creating the overwhelming feeling inside you to finally give up, start by prioritizing one task at a time.
Plan the entire work structure, including which tasks should take the most time and which should take the least. Often, we have a habit of giving an unfair share of the time to unimportant work. By prioritizing the task, you will see which specific job received the most attention and where you should give the most devotion.
Learn to ask for help
The path of relinquishment creates a lonely feeling inside; you often feel hesitant to look for help. You assume that if you ask for assistance, you will be called inefficient, and to avoid such judgment, you choose to quit. Always remember: you are not alone in this world who is going through this stage, and this is not the last time you are in front of the problems. Once you get the habit of giving up, it will take all the strength in the world to have the courage to be steadfast on the path of perseverance.
It is wiser to ask for help from the concerned person, who you reckon can help you out of this mess. Try asking them to lend a hand when you are stuck with a problem. Everyone has a different insight into the same problem, and the resolution is also different. You may be struggling with something that others find easy.
Ask for help if you can, and learn through the process. You will be surprised to see that the task that looked so huge is nothing, and the resolution is also simple. Share your problem with others and ask them to provide you with a shoulder to lean on, if not for the whole situation, at least for the moment.
Company is never a bad thing when you are stuck or when you want to give up. Even when the other person does not have an excellent solution, sometimes an all-ears attitude solves half of the problem.
Appreciate even the smallest progress
Even when you pull out all the stops and still find it daunting to go with the speed that the task or your job requires, don’t beat yourself up. Enjoy the little steps, appreciate the minute progress, and pat yourself on the back for all the little achievements in the process.
Everybody wants to achieve a goal they set at the start of any job or work. You don’t join any organization or start a business thinking you will be working in the same position forever or that the start-up should only generate the same revenue for a lifetime. You have a specific post or business target in mind when you start the journey; however, the journey to get there is exhausting. You forget to breathe or take a break to enjoy the little milestone you have achieved in the process.
Take a moment to realize that even the slightest progress can fill your empty soul, devoid of any self-appreciation, with gratification. Celebrate solo or have a small group hug with your loved ones for one step closer to your goal. If this is a little awkward, share your improvement with your family or friends.
Listen to yourself
Sometimes you need to change the track; persistence is not always the key. I have been telling you in the whole article how you should combat the feeling of giving up. Yet, I’m going to contradict myself on this last point. Even after beating yourself up to the fullest and burning yourself out, you feel nothing is going in your favor; it is time to listen to your mind, soul, and body.
Sometimes the problem persists even after going through all odds, trying everything, and following every path. It is time to contemplate whether the job is the right fit for you, or is it draining every ounce of energy left? Even after taking help, discussing with others, and going through every self-help book and motivational video, if your heart is still singing the same tune, maybe you should change the song.
There is no shame in going with your instinct and succumbing to your desire; still, make sure you have covered all the bases before taking the decision. Follow the path of your mind and body and wait for the magic to happen; be mindful that perseverance should be your friend even in this new journey.
Epilogue
We can help each other when we find others surrendering to relinquishment; try extending your hand in support when finding others in your shoes. An empathetic approach will not only create an invisible bond; you might experience the epiphany that you are not alone in this journey. Every other person goes through the same thing and feels the same way. Try reaching out to them; you may even find yourself coming back from the verge of giving up.
These are some of the points I’m going to remind myself of when I find myself on the verge of giving up. Share with me if you have some other suggestions to add; until then..!
HAPPY PERSEVERING!